{"id":13880,"date":"2021-08-18T18:00:03","date_gmt":"2021-08-18T23:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.osfhealthcare.org\/blog\/?p=13880"},"modified":"2026-03-09T15:17:21","modified_gmt":"2026-03-09T20:17:21","slug":"someone-close-to-you-has-cancer-how-can-you-support-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/osf-blog.live.imagescape.com\/blog\/someone-close-to-you-has-cancer-how-can-you-support-them\/","title":{"rendered":"What to say to someone diagnosed with cancer"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When someone you love has cancer, the news can hit hard. Cancer is frightening \u2013 both for those receiving the diagnosis and the people who love them.<\/p>\n<p>So, you want to support a close friend or family member who has received a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.osfhealthcare.org\/blog\/coming-to-terms-with-a-cancer-diagnosis\/\">cancer diagnosis<\/a>. How do you do that? What can you say or do to show your loved one what they mean to you as they battle cancer?<\/p>\n<h2>What to say when someone has cancer<\/h2>\n<p>It\u2019s OK if you don\u2019t know what to say to someone with cancer. It\u2019s tough news to receive, and the topic can be very sensitive. You may feel worried because you don\u2019t know what the person needs or wants to hear \u2013 that\u2019s totally normal.<\/p>\n<p>One thing that can bother <a href=\"https:\/\/www.osfhealthcare.org\/cancer\/\">a patient with cancer<\/a> is people feeling pity for them. So how do you avoid that?<\/p>\n<p>According to Jozie King, LCSW, who counsels patients with cancer for OSF HealthCare, you should just be yourself. The most comforting words for someone with cancer to hear likely have nothing to do with cancer.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cPatients want to be treated the same as before the cancer diagnosis came along,\u201d Jozie said. \u201cThey don\u2019t want others to feel sorry for them or to be treated like a patient at home. They don\u2019t want every part of their life to change.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhatever can remain normal, that\u2019s what we should try to do, including your interpersonal dynamics,\u201d she said. \u201cTry to bring in some kind of distraction or humor. Go to lunch or a movie or have a game night.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Cancer Diagnosis, Treatment and Survivorship\" aria-label=\"Cancer Diagnosis, Treatment and Survivorship\" src=\"https:\/\/freshpaint-video.com\/d7bef322-4e14-46ae-bccd-a1dc9ff764d7\/1eb4c279-a86a-4541-b51b-148041f729dc\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">\ufeff<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2>How to support a cancer patient emotionally<\/h2>\n<p>Every person\u2019s cancer case is different, so your best bet is to follow their lead. Start by asking questions.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHow someone handles stress and illness is specific to that person,\u201d Jozie said. \u201cWe can\u2019t assume what would be best. We have to be honest with ourselves that we might not know how to help them, even if it\u2019s our spouse, so we have to be open about that.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOpen the conversation and let the patient take the lead,\u201d she said. \u201cAsk, \u2018How can I help you? What can I do for you?\u2019 Then let them take the lead to share with you how they need help at that time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And what they need may change at any point in treatment. In fact, it almost always changes, so keep asking the question.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone assumes they\u2019ll bring a meal or offer to mow the lawn, but you should ask before doing that. You might have a good idea for a meal, but because of treatment, the person is unable to enjoy it. They may have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.osfhealthcare.org\/blog\/manage-cancer-treatment-symptoms-with-smart-diet\/\">food restrictions<\/a> or find a particular smell nauseating, and having to watch family enjoy a meal they can\u2019t also enjoy makes it harder.<\/p>\n<div class=\"alignright cta\">\n<p>Need help supporting a loved one?<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/osf-blog.live.imagescape.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/ONC-Loyalty-Download-Cancer-Support-8.5x11-FIN.pdf\">Download our helpful cancer support tips.<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Instead of a meal train, donate a gift card so they can use it on what they want when they want it, or offer to pick up their groceries.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf you can\u2019t find the right words, just be there with them in silence,\u201d Jozie said. \u201cNot everything requires action or a response. Sometimes just being present is helpful. It\u2019s often enough to just listen. You don\u2019t even have to know encouraging words to say as long as you\u2019re listening.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAutomatically giving positive responses and trying to lighten the mood can backfire, too,\u201d Jozie said. \u201cHearing \u2018You\u2019re going to get through this. It will be fine,\u2019 can often be upsetting to a cancer patient who needs their fear and sadness to be validated. A lot of times we don\u2019t want to admit we don\u2019t know what to do, but just to say that and admit it helps open up everything.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>Emotional support goes beyond words<\/h2>\n<p>You should follow through with what you say you will do.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cPatients often tell me, \u2018People call to ask how I\u2019m doing, but they don\u2019t really mean it.\u2019 The patients just answer, \u2018Oh, I\u2019m doing OK,\u2019 and don\u2019t really engage,\u201d Jozie said. \u201cSaying \u2018Call me if you need anything\u2019 can be empty.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou may have to initiate and follow through. Don\u2019t wait for the patient to reach out to you, because they more than likely won\u2019t for fear that they are a burden to others.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A self-reliant person may not feel comfortable talking or may have a hard time accepting help. But you can be sure they are appreciative of your support, and may end up accepting your offers if you continue to be there for them, Jozie added.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Cancer is a frightening diagnosis for everyone involved. Supporting a loved one who has received a cancer diagnosis can be a sensitive thing. How do you do it? What can you say or do to show your loved one what they mean to you as they battle cancer?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":13908,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"no","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[101],"tags":[898,502,477],"coauthors":[692],"class_list":["post-13880","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cancer","tag-cancer-treatment","tag-emotional-response","tag-patient-communication"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What to say to someone diagnosed with cancer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"News of a cancer diagnosis hits hard for everyone involved. 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