{"id":14024,"date":"2021-09-14T17:15:22","date_gmt":"2021-09-14T22:15:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.osfhealthcare.org\/blog\/?p=14024"},"modified":"2026-04-16T14:15:16","modified_gmt":"2026-04-16T19:15:16","slug":"how-to-share-cancer-diagnosis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/osf-blog.live.imagescape.com\/blog\/how-to-share-cancer-diagnosis\/","title":{"rendered":"How to tell family and friends you have cancer"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>One of the hardest decisions to make <a href=\"https:\/\/www.osfhealthcare.org\/blog\/coming-to-terms-with-a-cancer-diagnosis\/\">after a cancer diagnosis<\/a> is how to share the news.<\/p>\n<p>Do you tell family and friends, or keep it to yourself? How do you tell your family you have cancer? How do you tell other people you have cancer? How much should you tell them? And what about sharing on social media?<\/p>\n<p>Regardless of your decision, it\u2019s important to handle this in a way that makes you feel most comfortable.<\/p>\n<p>Bottom line: \u201cIt\u2019s personal,\u201d said Jozie Allen, LCSW, a counselor with OSF <a href=\"https:\/\/www.osfhealthcare.org\/cancer\/\">Cancer Support Services<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Here are some things to consider when making your decision.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Cancer diagnosis, treatment and survivorship\" aria-label=\"Cancer diagnosis, treatment and survivorship\" src=\"https:\/\/freshpaint-video.com\/d7bef322-4e14-46ae-bccd-a1dc9ff764d7\/1eb4c279-a86a-4541-b51b-148041f729dc\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">\ufeff<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2>Importance of a support system<\/h2>\n<p>Even if you are inclined to keep your cancer diagnosis to yourself, telling the people you live with is a good idea. Once you begin treatment, they will likely notice changes in your appearance and daily routines. They also might need to provide at least minimal assistance.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe biggest thing is to talk to whoever might be involved with your care, whether it\u2019s for practical, physical or emotional support,\u201d Jozie said. \u201cYou don\u2019t want it to surprise them if they suddenly have to step in.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWho you tell depends on the type of relationship you have with them. Not all of us are fortunate to have a family support system available, so support might need to come from friends or co-workers. But it\u2019s good for someone to know and be there.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Your primary support person can help you with transportation to and from treatments or pick up groceries or medications. Even if you don\u2019t require help with physical tasks, you might be surprised by how emotional support will help your mental health.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt can be good to share with family or a close friend. They can divide the weight, so not everything is on your shoulders,\u201d said <a href=\"https:\/\/providers.osfhealthcare.org\/provider\/Alejandro+F.+Sanz\/1465394\">Alejandro Sanz<\/a>, MD, a surgeon with OSF Medical Group \u2013 General Surgery.<\/p>\n<p>For additional help, you can access online resources provided by organizations like the American Cancer Society and National Cancer Institute, join a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.osfhealthcare.org\/cancer\/support\/groups\/\">support group<\/a> or consult with a spiritual leader.<\/p>\n<h2>Meet somewhere you can talk<\/h2>\n<p>The setting in which you deliver the news is also important. If at all possible, you should do this in person. After all, these are the people who are closest to you.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s best to tell loved ones in person if you\u2019re able to,\u201d Jozie said. Setting aside time will help you make the most of the conversation and allow you to answer their questions as best you can. A soft approach helps open up communication.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>Plan what you will say<\/h2>\n<p>When you are ready to talk about your cancer diagnosis, Jozie and Dr. Sanz agree that the most important thing you can do is be honest.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_15463\" style=\"width: 245px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/osf-blog.live.imagescape.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/ONC-Decision-Download-FamilyPrayer.png\" alt=\"Prayer for comfort\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-15463\" class=\"wp-image-15463\" src=\"https:\/\/osf-blog.live.imagescape.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/ONC-Decision-Download-FamilyPrayer.png\" alt=\"Prayer for comfort\" width=\"235\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-15463\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Spiritual and mental health are essential. <br \/><a class=\"callout-button callout-button-small\" href=\"https:\/\/osf-blog.live.imagescape.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/ONC-Decision-Download-FamilyPrayer-8.5x11_FIN.pdf\">Click here to download a prayer<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p>\u201cBe honest and factual,\u201d Jozie said. \u201cProvide whatever information you determine is appropriate, but be honest about what\u2019s happening. You don\u2019t have to tell them everything, but don\u2019t minimize the situation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Think ahead. Plan what you want to say about your cancer journey and how you want to say it. Try to anticipate questions that might be asked and decide how you will answer them. Write notes for easy reference. Rehearse.<\/p>\n<p>If your close family includes children, take their ages into account and consider framing a special message for them.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFor example, you might tell young children you\u2019re having surgery but not all the details,\u201d Jozie said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWith adults, how much you tell them depends on your relationship. If they are going to be part of your care, it\u2019s important that they know the facts. So they\u2019ll be able to help you the best they can.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You also should consider who you\u2019ll tell outside your intimate circle. If you have a job and your cancer treatment will cause you to miss work time, your supervisor will need to know. Co-workers will wonder what\u2019s going on. It\u2019s important to plan what you want and don\u2019t want to say to them.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAn acknowledgment that you have cancer and maybe a general overview of the type of treatment you\u2019ll be having is plenty,\u201d Jozie said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf there\u2019s some information you don\u2019t want to share, that\u2019s OK. If you\u2019re faced with questions you don\u2019t want to answer, have a generic response ready \u2013 \u2018I prefer to keep that information private,\u2019 or \u2018I don\u2019t feel comfortable sharing that.\u2019 That way, you know what you\u2019re going to say, and you don\u2019t get caught scrambling. Otherwise, you might share more than you feel comfortable with.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>Posting about your cancer on social media<\/h2>\n<p>Nowadays, many people share news of their medical conditions on social media.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat can be a double-edged sword,\u201d Jozie said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt can be stressful and time-consuming to update all of your friends individually. So if you\u2019re comfortable posting on social media, it can be a streamlined way to deliver news and updates. Another benefit is that you are disseminating the news, so everyone gets the same information. It\u2019s not getting distorted.<\/p>\n<p>An alternative to mainstream social media is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.caringbridge.org\/how-it-works\">Caring Bridge<\/a>, which offers a free online tool to set up a website where you can post health updates. Users can control access to their site.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIn the end, it\u2019s really up to you and what you feel comfortable sharing,\u201d Jozie said.<\/p>\n<h2>Using prayer to start the conversation<\/h2>\n<p>You can find comfort in your spirituality. Sharing a common prayer with your family before your conversation can bring calm to a stressful situation.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI also think it\u2019s important to mention the role spirituality plays,\u201d Jozie said. \u201cIf you or someone in your family is religious or spiritual, this is a good time to connect. Faith and spirituality can reduce anxiety and bring peace when you are going through something traumatic, making it easier to have difficult conversations.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the hardest decisions to make after a cancer diagnosis is how to share the news. Do you tell family and friends, or keep it to yourself? How do you tell your family you have cancer? How do you tell other people you have cancer? How much should you tell them? And what about [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":85,"featured_media":14029,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"no","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[101],"tags":[805,898,789],"coauthors":[912],"class_list":["post-14024","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cancer","tag-cancer-screening","tag-cancer-treatment","tag-support-group"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to tell family and friends you have cancer | OSF HealthCare<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Where do you start after a cancer diagnosis? Decide who you will tell and how much you will reveal. 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