{"id":5087,"date":"2018-12-08T10:00:45","date_gmt":"2018-12-08T16:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.osfhealthcare.org\/blog\/?p=5087"},"modified":"2022-04-22T14:34:15","modified_gmt":"2022-04-22T19:34:15","slug":"how-to-cope-with-grief-during-the-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/osf-blog.live.imagescape.com\/blog\/how-to-cope-with-grief-during-the-holidays\/","title":{"rendered":"How to cope with grief during the holidays"},"content":{"rendered":"

Christmas Eve 2012 was dramatically different from how Sally Robertson, RN, BSN, OSF HealthCare<\/a> Central Region Office expected it to go. Like previous years, Sally, her husband and their three children planned to celebrate with her mom, Pat Grimm, enjoying cheese soup and cherry pie.<\/p>\n

However, when friends arrived at Pat\u2019s house that afternoon to drive her to church she didn\u2019t come to the door. They called Sally\u2019s house. Her husband was home and rushed over. When he looked through the patio door, he saw Pat lying on the kitchen floor. An ambulance took her to OSF HealthCare Saint Francis Medical Center<\/a> where doctors discovered that she\u2019d had a massive stroke<\/a>. She was paralyzed and couldn\u2019t swallow. Sally knew her mom\u2019s wishes and brought her home with hospice care<\/a>. She passed away on January 7, 2013.<\/p>\n

For Sally, the holidays present a sort of double whammy: not only does this time of year make her think of her mom and all of the traditions that they shared, it\u2019s also the anniversary of when Pat suffered the stroke.<\/p>\n

Three helpful strategies<\/h2>\n
\"Sally

Sally Robertson says new holiday traditions with her siblings helped her and her family deal with the loss of their mother.<\/p><\/div>\n

It\u2019s easy to feel like the holidays are supposed to be a joyful time, but for many people that\u2019s simply not the case. This is especially true if you\u2019ve recently lost a loved one. \u201cThe holidays often bring up lots of memories and traditions that you associate with that person so you feel their absence everywhere you turn,\u201d said Linda Evans, R.N., L.P.C., C.T., Hospice Bereavement Coordinator with OSF Home Care Services<\/a>. \u201cCulturally, there\u2019s this message that the holidays should be a time for joy and celebration, which can make grievers feel very conflicted.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve lost a loved one, you may be wondering how you\u2019re going to handle the holidays. Here are three suggestions that can make a difference in your experience:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 Opt out<\/h3>\n

\u201cGive yourself permission to opt out of as much as you want,\u201d said Teresa Marksity-Leach, L.C.S.W., Hospice Medical Social Worker and Hospice Bereavement Coordinator with OSF Home Care Services. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t have to mean things are going to be that way forever, but you can choose to do something different this year. Opting out takes the pressure off.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Christmas after losing their mom, Sally and some of her siblings planned a big family trip to the Bahamas. \u201cI\u2019d never had a Christmas without my mom so I knew it was going to be tough without her,\u201d Sally said. \u201cEven though it was completely different, we were together on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We talked about my mom a lot. It really helped and I like to think she would\u2019ve liked that we were together.\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Choose what you want to carry on.<\/h3>\n

Trying to replicate holiday traditions without your loved one can be challenging because, ultimately, it won\u2019t be the same. \u201cYou can choose to keep some traditions and participate in different ones,\u201d Evans said. \u201cInstinctively, you\u2019ll know what feels right for you.\u201d For example, Sally\u2019s mom used to bake cherry pies every Christmas and she continues carrying on that tradition. A new tradition could be a ritual that makes you feel more connected with the person that you lost. \u201cIt could be as simple as lighting a candle, placing a flower on the table, or observing a moment of silence or prayer,\u201d Marksity-Leach said.<\/p>\n

3. Take care of yourself.<\/h3>\n

It can be tempting to allow healthy habits to fall by the wayside this time of year. But taking care of yourself will make the season feel a little more manageable. Small steps like getting enough sleep, making healthy food choices<\/a>, going for walks, connecting with people who support you, and minimizing alcohol<\/a> can make a difference. Self-care may also mean saying \u201cno\u201d to invitations that don\u2019t feel right for you right now.<\/p>\n

Every journey is different<\/h2>\n

Every person experiences grief differently. \u201cWhile the holidays can be very difficult for some people, others may appreciate the distractions that this time of year brings,\u201d Evans said. \u201cGrief work is about continuing the bond with the person you\u2019ve lost, and everyone does that in different ways.\u201d<\/p>\n

Your experience during the holidays will likely change over time, too. \u201cI don\u2019t dread Christmas,\u201d Sally said. \u201cThere will never be a Christmas that I don\u2019t think about and miss my mom. But she loved Christmas and the best way I can honor her is cherishing the season with my family.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Christmas Eve 2012 was dramatically different from how Sally Robertson, RN, BSN, OSF HealthCare Central Region Office expected it to go. Like previous years, Sally, her husband and their three children planned to celebrate with her mom, Pat Grimm, enjoying cheese soup and cherry pie. However, when friends arrived at Pat\u2019s house that afternoon to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":57,"featured_media":5166,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[289,223],"tags":[526,335,522],"coauthors":[726],"class_list":["post-5087","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-palliative-care","category-patient-story","tag-grief-and-bereavement","tag-osf-home-care","tag-osf-hospice-home"],"yoast_head":"\nSeason's feelings: How to cope with grief during the holidays<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"For many, the holidays can bring on waves of grief and depression. 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